Nap Time Ponderings

I have so many thoughts running through my head today-- so many goals I am setting for myself. At nap time, I poured myself a cup of coffee and went to pick a book off the shelf. There were four that I had to choose from that I desperately want to read right now, but at the most, I have two hours to read. I couldn't choose between The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery, Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge, Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt, or Running into Water by Angela Blycker. Basically, do I want read to be indulgent, work on my marriage, learn about teaching my children to love to read, or about being a mother who pursues God with all her passion and strength.

First, I chose to be indulgent. I read the first chapter of The Blue Castle, and as reading L.M. Montgomery always does, it made me want to write again. So now, I have the choice to read or write. Instead of moving on to any of these other books, I decided to pull out my Bible and journal.

I read Ephesians 4 and 5, which is not a good idea when you have already given yourself the task of reading four books at once. There are so many things in those two chapters to chew on-- so much that makes you say, "Yes, I need to do that." For example, "Be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love." Or, "Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."

Good grief. Now, I want to read, I want to write, I want to study God's Word, I want to pray, I want to be kind and gentle, I want to get into shape, I want to get my entire house to be clean at one time and keep it that way, I want to be freaking super mom and the best wife a man could ask for. Dear Lord, how do I become this woman before the clock strikes 12PM and my boys start to call for me from their cribs?

Thankfully, I'm not required to become this woman during nap time. I can rest in God's grace and ask for the strength to tackle these goals one at a time and the wisdom to know in what order they should be accomplished. The beauty of being a mom is that one nap time at a time, I can read a little, I can get a little cleaning done here and there, and I can pray that as my little boys grow and get to know me, they will see a woman who is working to become the person that our Heavenly Father has called her to be.

As I sit on the couch in my living room, light is pouring in through the blinds and spilling itself in long lines across the carpet. I am reminded of some verses I read today in Ephesians about light exposing our deeds. My first goal for the day is to live in the light. Let me be exposed for what I am, and may I be transparent in front of my children. I am a broken, hurting soul in need of repair by my Savior. As each day passes, I pray that He heals me piece by piece and that my sons witness my transformation over the next eighteen years. I want them to see the work that Jesus will do in me. For every book I read, for every page I write, for every floor I scrub, for every moment I pray for Him to change the tune in my heart, I will be one step closer to living a life worthy of the calling I have received.