Abiding in Jesus

Oswald Chambers, oh, how you challenge me. I always walk away from My Utmost for His Highest thinking, "That was intense."

For example, two days ago, Chambers references John 15:4 and writes:

"God will not make me think like Jesus, I have to do it myself; I have to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ...I have not to change and arrange my circumstances myself. With Our Lord the inner abiding was unsullied; He was at home with God wherever His body was placed. He never chose His own circumstances, but was meek towards His Father's dispensations for Him. Think of the amazing leisure of Our Lord's life! We keep God at excitement point, there is none of the serenity of the life hid with Christ in God about us...In the initial stages it is a continual effort until it becomes so much the law of life that you abide in Him unconsciously. Determine to abide in Jesus wherever you are placed."

Okay, I am going to be completely honest with you. I haven't been feeling very... spiritual lately. I don't know about other people's life experiences, but I feel like I may have been burned out on spirituality as a teenager. I was always in church, going on youth group retreats, memorizing scripture for Bible quizzing, etc. I felt, for the lack of a better phrase, "on fire for God." The last two years or so, I've been wondering why I never feel that way anymore. Well, not never. A good sermon, some moving music, and I've got the feeling back, but it's usually gone and forgotten by Monday morning. Why don't I abide in Jesus anymore? Why don't I crave scripture daily? One of the conclusions I have come to is that in middle and high school, I was alone. I never dated, and no one really counted on me for anything. I did my thing. I went to school, volleyball or basketball practice, work, church, whatever it was I had to do that night... and I did it by myself. Not only did this give me a lot of free time to think and pray, but I felt that longing for companionship with God. And, let's face it, when you are a teenager, you feel everything passionately.

These days, I have enough companionship to make me feel like I am never alone. Don't get me wrong, this is a tremendous blessing to me. Ever since I was little, all I've ever really wanted out of life was a family of my own, and lucky me got a husband and twin boys by the time I turned twenty-two. Not a lot of people can say they have achieved their dreams by that age.

Even with all of this companionship, though, there's something missing if I'm not constantly abiding in Jesus. Unlike my husband and children, He can see the deepest, darkest parts of my soul-- and He still loves me! He is my Maker, and without constant communion with him, I am quite empty.

So today, I was challenged to abide in Jesus. This doesn't mean I need to make some sort of radical change in my circumstances, like Chambers says. I can abide in Jesus while feeding my baby boys, while making coffee for Joshua, while straightening up the room after the boys go to bed... I can be at home with God wherever I am.

So, I'm starting day one of practicing His presence...