Well, the babies are asleep in the middle of the day and I am not holding either of them! This is a small, but significant miracle. I've already had enough time during this nap to start a load of dishes and a load of laundry, pick up all the trash that accumulated during packing last night, and now I have some extra time to write a blog post! Let's just hope the babies sleep long enough for me to finish it.
The last few days, I've been getting a lot more sleep at night and, therefore, have been able to enjoy my babies a lot more during the day. Yesterday, I looked at them and realized just how amazing babies are. Just a few months ago, they didn't exist. Then, they were tiny little shrimp looking things that didn't even resemble humans. Over only nine months, those little shrimpy things grew into full grown babies, with skin and muscle and bones and arms and legs and fingers and toes and eyes and noses and ears. And all of this happened inside my body. Honestly, I just can't get over it.
Well, Micah is awake, so I guess a "life update" will have to wait for tomorrow, but for today, I'm just marveling at the brilliance of the way God created us.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
How can I fear?
Last night, I was sitting on the couch listening to Joshua explain to a close friend all that he has to accomplish before January so that he can finish his masters and get a job. If he doesn't get a job and his masters is not finished, that means having to take out a loan for next semester just to live off of. When I heard him explaining that a third of what he has left to do would theoretically take him two months normally, I started to panic inside.
So, this morning, I started to stress when he wasn't out of the house at the time he had planned. Of course, it's hard to get up when your sleep is interrupted every two hours by hungry babies that need feeding and diapering. I don't blame him for wanting to sleep an extra hour, but at the time, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I let him know how stressed I was that he might not finish on time. Not exactly the uplifting, supportive thing you want to hear when you are waking up in the morning. That just made him more stressed and less confident, and basically made me feel like a jerk (which I can be, let's face it). We talked about it before he left, and I felt much better and I hope he did, too.
I was still scared, though. I went back upstairs to feed Canaan, and as I laid him down in the crib, Micah started stirring around. Hoping he would sleep a little longer, I started singing him a song to calm him down. He responds to that pretty well so far. I normally sing a lullaby I learned when I was small, but instead I started singing another song that has calmed me since I was a child. My two older sisters sang it at my dedication and my oldest sister, Amy, used to sing it to my little brother and I when we were going to sleep at night. Sometimes, when I'm in a scary situation-- like driving down 64 when there's flash flooding going on-- I sing this song to myself and it calms me down. Weird, I know. The first verse is more about being afraid in situations like that, but the second verse is more about uncertainty and stress. As I sang the words to Micah this morning, I found myself tearing up, my voice getting all wobbly and high pitched, but his little legs stopped kicking and I saw a smile pull at the corners of his tiny lips. I was rubbing his belly and singing a soft song, but I felt like Jesus was rubbing my back and telling me everything was going to be fine.
When I'm alone
And I face the unknown
And I fear what the future may be
I can depend
On the strength of my Friend
He walks along with me
How can I fear?
Jesus is near
He ever watches over me
Worries all cease
He gives me peace
How can I fear with Jesus?
So, this morning, I started to stress when he wasn't out of the house at the time he had planned. Of course, it's hard to get up when your sleep is interrupted every two hours by hungry babies that need feeding and diapering. I don't blame him for wanting to sleep an extra hour, but at the time, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I let him know how stressed I was that he might not finish on time. Not exactly the uplifting, supportive thing you want to hear when you are waking up in the morning. That just made him more stressed and less confident, and basically made me feel like a jerk (which I can be, let's face it). We talked about it before he left, and I felt much better and I hope he did, too.
I was still scared, though. I went back upstairs to feed Canaan, and as I laid him down in the crib, Micah started stirring around. Hoping he would sleep a little longer, I started singing him a song to calm him down. He responds to that pretty well so far. I normally sing a lullaby I learned when I was small, but instead I started singing another song that has calmed me since I was a child. My two older sisters sang it at my dedication and my oldest sister, Amy, used to sing it to my little brother and I when we were going to sleep at night. Sometimes, when I'm in a scary situation-- like driving down 64 when there's flash flooding going on-- I sing this song to myself and it calms me down. Weird, I know. The first verse is more about being afraid in situations like that, but the second verse is more about uncertainty and stress. As I sang the words to Micah this morning, I found myself tearing up, my voice getting all wobbly and high pitched, but his little legs stopped kicking and I saw a smile pull at the corners of his tiny lips. I was rubbing his belly and singing a soft song, but I felt like Jesus was rubbing my back and telling me everything was going to be fine.
When I'm alone
And I face the unknown
And I fear what the future may be
I can depend
On the strength of my Friend
He walks along with me
How can I fear?
Jesus is near
He ever watches over me
Worries all cease
He gives me peace
How can I fear with Jesus?
Friday, November 5, 2010
Week One- Check
My babies are now just a few hours short of being a week old, but I feel like they have been mine forever. Everyone has always told me about the love you begin to experience when you become a parent, but nothing anyone has ever told me can even begin to scratch the surface of the real thing. I don't think there is a way to put it into words.
My mom has been here all week, making everything so much easier. I haven't prepared one meal for myself, done one load of laundry (and she gets about three loads done a day), or cleaned one dirty dish. The other day, I said I was craving something sweet, and she went into the kitchen and found everything she needed to bake fresh cinnamon raison scones-- WITH ICING. Less than an hour later, I was eating the most delicious scone I've ever tasted and thinking, "Does she really have to leave? Ever?" It has been so wonderful having her, and honestly, I am a little nervous about her leaving. She has made it possible for me to focus completely on the boys and getting my body back into semi-normal condition. This morning we have been talking about what I need to do to keep track of all the things she has been doing for me once she leaves, and that has been a big help. I'm not quite as nervous as I was before we talked that out.
The boys don't really worry me. So far, they have been amazing babies. I'm more concerned about forgetting to do laundry and running out of receiving blankets or sleepers... or the dishes piling up or not planning meals ahead of time and ending up just getting fast food all the time. These home cooked meals this week have been amazing. I know I will get into a routine, though, and I have two more days to practice before she leaves.
Well, it has been a wonderful first week-- and now that the babies are here, I think I will have much more to write about, so hopefully this will be the first of many entries keeping you all informed about our life with the boys. Thank you for all the love and prayers! We have felt the effects of them this week for sure!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Had a bad day.
Well, Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty wonderful. I achieved my goal of thinking about the chief end of man very early in my day-- not quite as soon as I woke up, but I don't have a lot of thoughts until I get into a hot shower. So, in my shower, I've been thinking about my chief end, and that has changed my perspective on a lot of things. I've also got Joshua reminding me throughout the day, which is helpful and not at all obnoxious. ;)
I knew today, however, was going to be harder. I opened with my manager this morning, who is not exactly a positive person. I had a feeling when I woke up this morning that I might be tested today, but I prayed about it, asked my husband to pray about it, and had an excellent start to my morning.
When I got in the shower, Joshua got up too and started getting ready, which always makes me happy because it means I get to spend some time with him before I leave for work. Normally, I have to leave knowing that he is curled up in our warm bed, and I'm driving down Hampton Boulevard looking forward to a long day of yuppie downtown business types. But today, we chatted while we got ready, and then I realized I had enough time to go with him on his "morning ritual." Almost every morning, Joshua goes to 711 to get a croissant and coffee. I decided to drive down there with him, which was kind of fun at 4:30 AM, and I was able to kiss him goodbye from there and I drove to work happy. The whole way to work, I thanked Jesus that I have such a sweet man to share life with.
Then, I got to work. I hadn't been there 5 minutes before my manager started telling me that she was only going to give me two to three shifts a week now because I am pregnant and I can't work certain shifts when there is an order to put away because I can't lift things. She also had the audacity to tell me I was moving slower than I used to, which I later proved to her was not true, since the lady who is pregnant with twins was moving faster than she was during the rush today. Two to three shifts a week is not enough for me to keep my benefits. I started freaking out. I cried when I called Joshua on my ten, and I have NEVER cried at work before.
I got over it for the most part, even though I was still mad, and the day went on. During the rush, one of our regulars came in. She was talking on her cell phone and crying, but trying to mop up her tears with a tissue while she ordered. I saw her way down the line and marked her drink on a cup with a little note on it. It was simple and short because we were busy, but I wanted her to know that I noticed she was having a bad day and that someone cared. It was then that I realized that I was still there for a reason. As small as it may seem, I feel like that was my opportunity to glorify God this morning. He needed me to show love to Stacie, and if it meant that I had to work for a... you know... well, then, that's fine.
All of that said, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about my job. Hopefully, a transfer is still possible. I've talked to some people at another starbucks in the area, and it's looking promising. God always takes care of me, so I'm actually not all that worried about it. Life is good.
I knew today, however, was going to be harder. I opened with my manager this morning, who is not exactly a positive person. I had a feeling when I woke up this morning that I might be tested today, but I prayed about it, asked my husband to pray about it, and had an excellent start to my morning.
When I got in the shower, Joshua got up too and started getting ready, which always makes me happy because it means I get to spend some time with him before I leave for work. Normally, I have to leave knowing that he is curled up in our warm bed, and I'm driving down Hampton Boulevard looking forward to a long day of yuppie downtown business types. But today, we chatted while we got ready, and then I realized I had enough time to go with him on his "morning ritual." Almost every morning, Joshua goes to 711 to get a croissant and coffee. I decided to drive down there with him, which was kind of fun at 4:30 AM, and I was able to kiss him goodbye from there and I drove to work happy. The whole way to work, I thanked Jesus that I have such a sweet man to share life with.
Then, I got to work. I hadn't been there 5 minutes before my manager started telling me that she was only going to give me two to three shifts a week now because I am pregnant and I can't work certain shifts when there is an order to put away because I can't lift things. She also had the audacity to tell me I was moving slower than I used to, which I later proved to her was not true, since the lady who is pregnant with twins was moving faster than she was during the rush today. Two to three shifts a week is not enough for me to keep my benefits. I started freaking out. I cried when I called Joshua on my ten, and I have NEVER cried at work before.
I got over it for the most part, even though I was still mad, and the day went on. During the rush, one of our regulars came in. She was talking on her cell phone and crying, but trying to mop up her tears with a tissue while she ordered. I saw her way down the line and marked her drink on a cup with a little note on it. It was simple and short because we were busy, but I wanted her to know that I noticed she was having a bad day and that someone cared. It was then that I realized that I was still there for a reason. As small as it may seem, I feel like that was my opportunity to glorify God this morning. He needed me to show love to Stacie, and if it meant that I had to work for a... you know... well, then, that's fine.
All of that said, I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about my job. Hopefully, a transfer is still possible. I've talked to some people at another starbucks in the area, and it's looking promising. God always takes care of me, so I'm actually not all that worried about it. Life is good.
Monday, July 12, 2010
The Chief End of Man
My life is so crazy right now. Most days, I wake up much earlier than I would like, work at Starbucks, and then go straight to babysitting. I'm there until dinner time, and it can be so hard to work up the motivation to even make dinner because I am so tired. Thankfully, Joshua has been helping me out a lot. I think he made dinner four times last week. The thing that has been most discouraging to me lately, though, is my lack of focus. Running from here to there, hardly ever being at home, and having very little "me time" has not only taken a toll on my pregnant body, but my soul is thirsting for time alone with Jesus.
Every once and a while, I think about how little time I have before the babies come and how much I want to change about myself before they get here. I want them to know me as a humble servant, a loving wife and mother, and someone who is willing to always put her own needs last. I am so far from that person. The days and weeks and months keep slipping away, and I have yet to even change my attitude toward others, let alone my behavior. I am constantly thinking about how I am being inconvenienced and not about how I can make life easier for others.
Yesterday, my pastor asked us what our purpose was. What is it that makes us get out of bed in the morning? Then, he brought back to my memory some catechism I learned when I was young:
What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
I never thought of getting up in the morning and thinking, "My chief end, today and for the rest of my life, is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." If I made that my first goal every day, how would I live differently? What if every day was not about me, but about glorifying and enjoying God? Enjoying Him?
So, my goal for this week is to wake up and think, "My chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." We'll see what happens.
Every once and a while, I think about how little time I have before the babies come and how much I want to change about myself before they get here. I want them to know me as a humble servant, a loving wife and mother, and someone who is willing to always put her own needs last. I am so far from that person. The days and weeks and months keep slipping away, and I have yet to even change my attitude toward others, let alone my behavior. I am constantly thinking about how I am being inconvenienced and not about how I can make life easier for others.
Yesterday, my pastor asked us what our purpose was. What is it that makes us get out of bed in the morning? Then, he brought back to my memory some catechism I learned when I was young:
What is the chief end of man? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
I never thought of getting up in the morning and thinking, "My chief end, today and for the rest of my life, is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." If I made that my first goal every day, how would I live differently? What if every day was not about me, but about glorifying and enjoying God? Enjoying Him?
So, my goal for this week is to wake up and think, "My chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever." We'll see what happens.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
New Goals
Soon, I'm going to be a mom. Two twin boys are going to keep me busy, but maybe this whole stay-at-home-mom thing is going to give me some time to learn a few things I've been wanting to learn or just give me time to do the things I want to do. Here are some goals I have for the next few years:
1. Buy a DSLR camera, hopefully a Nikon D5000, and take a photography class. I could just take pretty pictures of my babies, or I could even start bringing in a small income if I turn out to be pretty good. :)
2. Learn how to play an instrument. Joshua and I both really want to learn how to play the fiddle. We'll see how this one turns out, but I've always been sad that there is nothing musical about me. I think it would be fun to share that with my husband. Joshua plays the guitar and drums and sings, and I currently just sit and listen. It would be fun to at least play along.
3. Read more. A lot more.
4. Learn to sew. I really want to make quilts for the boys.
5. Volunteer more. There are so many opportunities in Norfolk to make a difference, but with a morning and afternoon job, I'm not available to help out right now. There are opportunities as simple as driving kids to and from art classes... but I can't do that with my schedule now. Maybe when I'm not working as much, I'll actually be able to help out.
6. I MUST RUN A HALF MARATHON. I've started to train twice. The first time, I got burned out at five miles. The second time, I got pregnant. After I have my babies, I will probably need to lose 80 lbs. What better way to do that than to go all out and train for a half marathon? :)
Anyway, not the deepest, most meaningful post ever, but now that I've shared these goals, maybe one or two of these goals will come to fruition.
1. Buy a DSLR camera, hopefully a Nikon D5000, and take a photography class. I could just take pretty pictures of my babies, or I could even start bringing in a small income if I turn out to be pretty good. :)
2. Learn how to play an instrument. Joshua and I both really want to learn how to play the fiddle. We'll see how this one turns out, but I've always been sad that there is nothing musical about me. I think it would be fun to share that with my husband. Joshua plays the guitar and drums and sings, and I currently just sit and listen. It would be fun to at least play along.
3. Read more. A lot more.
4. Learn to sew. I really want to make quilts for the boys.
5. Volunteer more. There are so many opportunities in Norfolk to make a difference, but with a morning and afternoon job, I'm not available to help out right now. There are opportunities as simple as driving kids to and from art classes... but I can't do that with my schedule now. Maybe when I'm not working as much, I'll actually be able to help out.
6. I MUST RUN A HALF MARATHON. I've started to train twice. The first time, I got burned out at five miles. The second time, I got pregnant. After I have my babies, I will probably need to lose 80 lbs. What better way to do that than to go all out and train for a half marathon? :)
Anyway, not the deepest, most meaningful post ever, but now that I've shared these goals, maybe one or two of these goals will come to fruition.
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