My first failed outing with 3 kids

So, I really love being a mom. So much so, that sometimes I over estimate how much I can handle. 

Today, I decided to go on an outing to the zoo with the Kentuckiana Babywearers group. I went to the zoo last week with my friend Elizabeth, and she was a great help, but I just kind of figured I could do it on my own. I didn't want to ask her to do it again because she is pregnant and almost full-term and I could tell she was very tired after our last trip (I was, too, and I'm not even pregnant anymore!). I got a zoo membership for Mother's Day, and I want to use it as much as possible, so that is another reason I decided to go today. 

Let's start at the beginning of the day. I was out of lunch food and I wanted to pack our lunches, so I got everyone ready early and we headed to the grocery store. I go to Kroger because they have a double car on the front of some of the carts, which makes it easier with the boys. They usually are all out and ready to go if you go early in the morning, but they were all gone today. I decided it was fine and we would just go through the store with the boys helping me push the cart. Evangeline was wrapped in the Moby and I walked awkwardly along with the boys. Micah fell down twice because Canaan was pushing too quickly, so I decided to put him in the seat of the cart. To my surprise, he actually liked it. In the past he has not wanted to sit in the cart. So, on we go. Eva wrapped on my front, Micah in the cart, and Canaan pushing, with me to the side guiding the cart along. Eventually, we finished our shopping in about twice the time it should have taken. No big deal. I'll go home and pack our lunch and we will go to the zoo. 

Back home, lunches packed, change and feed Eva one more time, make sure the boys use the bathroom before we leave, and get in the car. Load the wagon into the back. Off we go.

Our meet-up was scheduled for 11AM. I'm not really sure why, but the zoo was PACKED. I had to park in the very last row of the lot, which is very large. I decided to put the boys right in the wagon because we were running late. Eva was once again wrapped in the Moby. We reached our group and we were still waiting on people. The boys got into the lunch bag and ate all of their lunch and then asked for my sandwich. At this point, pulling the wagon and carrying the diaper bag and baby, I'm starting to realize this was a bad idea, but I need to keep going. I'm here now, no turning back. We all go into the zoo and Micah tells me he needs to use the toilet. I tell everyone I will catch up with them. Both boys are out of the wagon now and Canaan insists on pulling it himself. He has problems looking where he is walking anyway, so he runs into people and things and I am just trying to get Micah to the bathroom on time. They both use the bathroom, but one of them somehow pees on his shorts anyway. I change him. Canaan again insists on pulling the wagon. I must press on. The boys are going to have a great time.

The baby starts crying. My baby who never cries is crying. Okay, maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pressing on is an even worse idea. I somehow convince the boys to get back into the wagon and we go all the way back to the car. We were at the zoo for an hour and didn't see one animal. 

You know, I'm really just glad I made the decision to leave before there were any meltdowns, including any I might have myself. Thankfully, the boys didn't question me as we left the zoo. When we got in the car and started to pull away, Canaan said, "Thank you, Mommy."

Man, I love those kids.

Evangeline Grace

Well, I figured it was time to give everyone an update. I'm sorry if there are a million and one typos; I'm doing this on my phone.

I'll skip the labor and delivery story for now-- but I will say that she came right on her due date and contractions started just before my bedtime, so I went into labor without any sleep. We got to the hospital at 1:30 AM and she was born at 6:48 AM-- an extremely fast labor!

Let me first say that Eva is fine. She is eating well, sleeping, and rarely fusses about anything. Right after she was born, the nurses found that she had a temperature of 101. They took my temperature and saw that I had a fever of 101 as well. My fever went down quickly, but hers only went down to 100, then 99.7. I was negative for Group B strep, so they said her risk factors were low, but that they wanted to do some blood tests to make sure she didn't have an infection. She was eating a lot and our room was warm, so I figured she was probably just getting overheated and chose to not worry about anything until we got the blood test results.

When the results came in, a doctor came to talk to us. She said that her white blood cell count was fine, but that her "bands" were a little high. She described these to us as immature white blood cells. She said that she didn't want to treat her yet, but she did want to do a blood culture to see if anything would grow, indicating some sort of infection. That meant a 48 hour test, and we would be in the hospital until late Sunday afternoon. I was expecting to go home Sunday morning, so a few extra hours didn't seem so bad. Also, her fever was already gone, so the only reason they had to worry were the blood test results.

They also did another round of blood tests. Saturday morning, a different doctor came to talk to us. He said that her bands count had gone down but that her white blood cell count was up and that she had a high CRP, also indicative of infection. He said that he wanted to move her to the NICU and start an antibiotic IV, which she would need for another 48 hours. (Okay, so now we won't be taking her home until Monday night.)  He also said that if the antibiotics didn't bring down her white blood cell count and CRP, they would do a spinal tap. He then reassured us that they simply don't take chances with newborns with fevers and signs of infections, and that he fully expected us to go home with a healthy baby on Monday.

Last night, she spent the night in the NICU. I went in to feed her every three hours, and she seems just as content as ever. In fact, she's becoming a champion breastfeeder. It was hard to see her with an IV stuck in her hand, especially when she seems just fine on the outside. I'm also getting antsy to get home. I miss my big boys so much!

We did find out from her blood tests last night and this morning that her CRP is coming down, but isn't within normal range yet. It started at 29, was 16 last night, and was 14 as of 4 AM this morning. It should be below a 10 to be within normal range.

Please pray that Eva's blood test results will be within normal range by tomorrow. Also, her blood culture hasn't grown anything so far, but pray that it doesn't... We will get those results this evening.

Again, by all appearances, Eva seems to be a completely healthy 8 lb 4 oz baby, so thank Jesus with us for that. My main concern right now is that things start to look better before they decide to do a spinal tap and that I can continue breastfeeding her for the one day she will be in the NICU and I won't have a room here at the hospital. Since we believe it will just be one day, I'll be staying in the NICU waiting room tonight and all day tomorrow so I can continue breastfeeding on demand. If she ends up staying longer, we'll figure out the breastfeeding situation from there.

Thank you for your prayers and all your warm words since Evangeline was born. We are just enjoying her so much. She's so soft and cuddly and sweet. I wish every one of you could hold her for at least a minute. :) Thank you again, and we love you all!

"Thank you"

Something really beautiful has started happening lately. I remember a while back, I read a facebook post from a friend about how her daughter asked for something with a "please" and then responded with a "Thank you, Mommy" after her need was met. I remember thinking that this little girl was so young to be saying things like that already and that this woman must be a really great mom (which, of course, she is).

Then, when a year passed, and then 18 months passed, my boys still weren't saying much at all. I've always known that boys' speech development tends to be more delayed than girls', but then I read that twins' speech development is also delayed because they have a language of their own with each other. I could see this in my boys for sure, so I wasn't really worried about their speech development too much. I was, however, concerned that they were still grunting and whining when they wanted something instead of saying "please" and that they couldn't say "thank you" to someone after they gave them a drink or a bite of their food. So, a few months ago, I really started trying to get them to say "thank you" after I handed them their drink. After we got that down, I worked on getting them to say "please" before I filled their drinks for them. I was so happy when I got them to do all of those things, and it made me feel a little better... about MYSELF as a parent, which is kind of silly.

Recently, though, something has happened that I didn't teach them. They now say "thank you" every time I do ANYTHING for them. They say it after I put them in the swing and when I take them out of the swing (if they have asked to be taken out). They say it after I wash their hands. They say it when I hand them a toy. They say it when I hug them. They say it AFTER EVERY DIAPER CHANGE. That's probably my favorite one. I absolutely love changing diapers now because I get to hear a cute little "thank youuuuuuuu" afterwards. Did I teach them to say thank you for every little thing? No. I think God knew I needed to hear it a little more often. It's not because I'm a good mom. It's because He's a good God, and He loves me a lot. Oh, and it's also because my kids are awesome.

A little pregnancy craziness for you...

A couple of weeks or so ago, I was under this cloud of morning sickness(all-day sickness, actually), exhaustion, and general moodiness. One night I burst out crying at the dinner table. This is actually a funny story now, so I'll go ahead and tell it. Joshua was starting to get stressed about whether or not he would be placed in a good school. Now, Joshua is not a worrier. When he does worry, it means the situation is BAD, and with me being sick and tired and moody, it made me stressed. He had Pandora playing while we were eating, and "our" song came on.

QUICK (or not so quick) BACK-STORY:

It's pretty cheesy, but before Joshua and I really started dating... you know, that period of time (which didn't last long for us) where you don't tell the person you like them, but you do everything possible to make yourself seem like the most perfect person on Earth so that they will fall head over heels in love with you and you will live happily ever after? Yeah, during that time... Joshua came over to my apartment and we were hanging out with the rest of our "group," and he sang a few worship songs and then played a couple of love songs. This was the first love song he sang, and my guy friend at the time informed me through Facebook messages that the song was totally intended for me. Sigh. It was sweet and cheesy and pretty much sickening for everyone around us, but I just dearly love the song because of it.

END BACK-STORY

So, the song starts playing and Joshua looks at me and suddenly a peace comes over his face. "Oh, it's the song. You know, everything is gonna be okay." My head hit the table and I started crying. I mean, heaving sobs. The boys looked confused. Joshua ran to get me tissues and tried to console me, but I think I sobbed for a good five minutes straight, but it felt more like ten.

So, I tell you this story so you can get a picture of my craziness during my first trimester. Also, because of the sickness and exhaustion, Joshua did most of the cooking and cleaning... because he's amazing that way.

For the last couple of weeks, though, I've been back to the whole mom and wife thing. I even made cookies after dinner tonight! (I know, supermom material here.) It's nice knowing that I can do my "job" again. :) I'm just so happy to be feeling better. God is good.

Contentment

It seems that I'm learning the same lesson over and over again lately. Then again, it's one of those lessons you only learn after being beaten over the head with it a few times, because life can be scary. Being married is a big responsibility, but being a parent makes those responsibilities seem more real. These responsibilities make us worry. In the last few months, we've worried about Joshua being placed at a decent school, paying bills, whether or not I could be on his insurance plan through his employer because of the pregnancy (don't worry-- that worked out:)), and even getting groceries or gas at times. It's funny how no matter how many times God answers our prayers with a much better situation than we even thought to ask for, my first reaction to any sort of adversity is worry.

I'm happy to report that these moments of panic are slowly but surely becoming moments rather than days or months. Sure, my first reaction is an increased heart rate and a feeling of utter dread, but it is now quickly followed by a reminder that He has never let us go without. I don't lie awake at night worrying. I can't say that this is something I have worked hard to achieve. Like I said, it's simply a result of month after month of seeing God do amazing things for our family. It's kind of getting hard to NOT trust Him. Am I really starting to feel thankful for the hard times? Wow, I think I am.

These verses have been running through my head for a month or so now:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13

Contentment. That is the lesson He is teaching me.

Catch up with the Marshes...

So, every once in a while you may see a post from me on Facebook that confuses you.

"Wait, they are living where?" "Wait, they have how many kids?"

Yeah, it's been a crazy couple of years. Let me explain:

Most of you probably know that when Joshua and I got married, I moved up to Norfolk, VA where he was working on his doctorate in chemistry at ODU. Almost two years later, the twins were born. They weren't exactly expected, so our 5-10 year plan changed a bit. Joshua decided to take a masters instead of the doctorate so that we could start living above a typical graduate student level income.

Joshua got a temporary job in Tennessee with one of his undergraduate professors. She was wonderful and offered him a job immediately, but he was only an adjunct faculty member and was looking for a more permanent solution. This same wonderful professor passed along an opportunity she ran across for him.

This opportunity took us from Johnson City, TN to Louisville, KY. For the last year, Joshua has been student teaching through a program called GSKYTeach (Graduate Southern Kentucky Teach). This program is through Western Kentucky University. Basically, he was a graduate student again! This time, it took him one year to earn a master's degree in education. The deal with this program is that they pay you to student teach and take classes for a year, and when you are finished, you are asked to teach in Jefferson County Public Schools for at least 3 years. He is now certified to teach science at the high school level. What was nice about this program is that he is guaranteed a job for the next three years. He got a contract with JCPS this summer, so he knew he would have a job either way, but he still hadn't been placed into a school.

It's been a frustrating summer watching all of his other friends from the program getting jobs. I know how hard he worked this year, and I've witnessed what a great teacher he is. He rarely came home before the kids went to bed during the week. He poured hours into lesson plans and grading. It was hard to see him work so hard and then not even get a call until late in the summer. His interviews would seem to go well, but he still wasn't getting any call-backs. I knew that God's timing was perfect and that He had a school picked out just for Joshua, but it was still pretty stressful.

Turns out, on the day school actually started, Joshua was offered a job at Ballard High School, which is actually a very high-performing school in the district. I'm excited for him to be there. The administration seems to appreciate the faculty and the students and parents have said NOTHING negative on all the reviews I have found online. I also like the area, so when we do decide to buy a house, I know we'll be able to find something nice nearby.

I know Joshua is frustrated now because he has to jump right into school without being able to set up him classroom and I know lesson planning will make him crazy. He'll catch up, though, and I know he is thankful to be at a great school, no matter how long it took to get there. God is good all the time!

Oh, and the kids thing... we're workin' on a 3rd now in case you missed that. I know, I'm going to have 3 kids under 2.5 years old. I know, I'm crazy. Again, He's got it under control.

We started our day off very much like yesterday, cuddling and playing with our little Marshwiggles.




























After the boys napped, we got them in their swimming trunks and headed to the pool for a cookout at our friend's apartment complex. Usually, Canaan loves the pool and Micah kind of whines while clinging to me the majority of the time. This time, though, they both enjoyed it. They have their own sunglasses, but they would rather wear mine.

An insignificant but long overdue blog post.

I was told by a friend today that I needed to post more, and it gave me the itch to write. I suppose the problem I have with posting frequently is that most of my days are the same. They are all significant to me, of course. There is usually a new word that one of the boys will pick up or something funny they will do that they have never done before. There are adventures to new parks and exploring a city that I still feel very little connection with even after living here for almost a year now. All of this seems very significant to me, but it's hard to take those events and turn them into something worth reading for someone who isn't head over heals in love with my boys like I am. Then again, who isn't head over heals in love with Micah and Canaan? :)

However, my dear friend Michelle told me that I could "write about whatever and it would be good." She is very sweet.

So, I'll go ahead and tell you about our day.

We started off pretty lazy, lying around the house with the boys. I made a doctor's appointment for Micah because he was getting a rash much like his brother who has strep throat. We took Canaan to an immediate care center near our home over the weekend because of a high fever and a rash and general fussiness. I had no idea that strep throat can cause a rash, but apparently it can. I figured that after a low fever and a similar rash, Micah also had strep throat, so I took him to the doctor this afternoon. His strep test came back negative, thankfully, but the doctor thought his rash looked like impetigo. I felt stupid for not knowing what it was while I was in the doctors office and pretended to know. As soon as I got in the car, I looked it up on my phone. It sounds a lot grosser than what Micah appears to have, but I was just told to put Neosporin on his rash and he gave him a prescription for an antibiotic in case it gets infected or he does end up getting strep from his brother. I think my doctor is a little antibiotic happy, but I guess if he thought it was necessary, I should give it to him. I'm not one of those people who thinks they are smarter than the doctor who went to school for a billion years.

After dropping off his prescription, we met Joshua and Canaan at a frozen yogurt bar. This was their second time eating frozen yogurt, and they were just as pleased as the first time. When we pulled into the parking lot, Micah saw Joshua's car and said, "Daddy!" I didn't realize he actually recognized his car until this afternoon.

After yogurt, we went to an indoor playground because Joshua and I weren't willing to brave the heat at the park today. That turned out to be a disaster. It's a cool place with bouncy houses and all kinds of little things to climb on and slide down and even a ball pit. I haven't seen a ball pit in FOREVER. The problems started when Canaan found a car to ride around in and then decided that it was HIS. Even after he moved on from it, if he saw another child playing in it, he automatically wanted it back. This brought on a LOT of tears. Micah tried to get in and Canaan bit his arm... hard. As in, he has bruises shaped like tiny little teeth on his arm now. Micah also fell down and reopened a scab on his nose and that looked lovely. Both babies left screaming and crying. It's one of those moments when you pass the other moms and try to not make eye contact because you don't want to see either the pity or the judgment. You just hold their hands, and walk steadily but quickly to the car while they whine and scream and pretend that you are the most patient person in the world and that their screaming isn't even phasing you. Thankfully, this doesn't happen much. It was getting a little late in the day for them to be out and the whole place was just a bit overwhelming for them, I think.

They cheered up quite a bit when we got them home and gave them some dinner and got them ready for bed. They both went quite willingly. I love them so much, and I love spending time with them, but one of the best moments in the day is when they lie down in their beds, hug their stuffed animals and reach for you to put their blankets over them and they say, "Nigh, nigh!" Makes my heart melt every. time.

Okay, this growing up thing needs to just slow down...

The boys have been doing so many new things in the last few days! They keep doing things that surprise me, and the surprises are starting to get closer and closer together.

1. I'm pretty sure that when Micah said "Daddy" yesterday, he actually meant "Daddy." We were playing with Joshua's hat, I put it on and made a silly face, and Micah laughed and said, "Daddy." I put it on again later and he said it again.

2. Canaan has been crawling for a couple of weeks, but just in the last two days, he has started getting into the sitting position all by himself. Today, he crawled underneath the exersaucer and then sat up. I think he was trying to get in it, because he was putting his arms through the leg holes. I got him out and put him in the right way, and he looked like he got what he wanted.

3. When I sing, "The Wheels on the Bus," Canaan sings along when I get to the "The babies on the bus go wah wah wah" part. He makes the motion with his hands, though he doesn't quite bring them to his eyes, and says "wah wah wah." Or, sometimes, "Blah, blah, blah," but I know he is doing it either way.

4. They have started patting my back when I take them to their cribs because I always burp them then.

5. Today, Micah pinched me, and I said, "Ouch!" He smiled and said, "Ouch!" He has also been saying "duck" whenever we ask him to, but I know he doesn't actually know what a duck is. He is just starting to say any small, one-syllable words that we say.

Community

I started reading about the day of Pentecost today in Acts. It's a powerful chapter, with so much in it. I think I'm going to re-read it piece by piece this week, but the last few verses are what really made my heart ache today:

"All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
Acts 2: 44-47

I think this must have been like a little taste of heaven. The simplicity of the relationships between early Christians is beautiful. I thought about how hard it would be to do this today.

I mean, forget about just selling all of the stuff we are addicted to: our computers, cell phones, etc. Think about what it would take to have a community where people ate together with glad and sincere hearts!

How often do we smile at someone at church, share in some small talk, but deep down we are hiding resentment against them? We let our relationships get so complicated these days. Why can't we sit down and talk about our conflicts openly, and then rejoice in the fact that we are all saved by grace? Why do we have to hide behind a polite smile? How could that possibly be the "right" thing to do?

How could the church have gone from an open, honest place where everyone was loved to a place where people experience fear of rejection and judgment?

Now I need to practice what I preach... I guess this means I have to start being open with people about my own struggles. It means I have to actually work up the courage to tell someone when I have an issue with them. For anyone who knows me, I'd rather just be pleasant, but the truth is, pretense isn't really pleasant.

August Goals

I've been inspired by Lucy Clement to start writing out my monthly goals (She's also an AWESOME photographer, as you can see from her blog, in the Greensboro area. If you are looking for a great photographer, she's amazing!). Maybe posting them on here every month will help me accomplish them. :)

Here are my goals for the rest of August:

1. Take some time every morning, either during nap time or before the boys get up, to sit with a cup of coffee and my Bible. A little meditation always makes my day seem so much more peaceful, even if it means waking up before I absolutely have to.

2. Work out 3 times a week minimum.

3. Lose 5 lbs.

4. Write out daily checklists and keep my house clean and organized.

5. Spend plenty of time playing with my baby boys.

6. Read two books.

7. Write something every night before bed.

8. Get a KY driver's license and apply for WIC.

9. Get a job! --- I've been offered a job as a nanny, but it is not paying as much as the ad said it would. It won't cover our bills, but Joshua also has a possible job offer at Sylvan Learning Center, so that might help fill the gap. We are still praying about this one and seeing if anything better will come up for me.

Getting Settled In

We've been in Louisville for almost a week now. We haven't been able to get out and see the city much because we are taking our time with the whole moving-in process. We used PODS to move, so we asked them to leave the pod here for a week so that we could bring things up slowly. We did get out to go to church on Sunday. We had a hard time finding the church, but it was kind of nice getting to see the city a little bit. We are going to try another church this Sunday that we are really excited about. Joshua's mother is coming into town this weekend, so I think we are going to take that opportunity to go downtown and walk around with her and the boys.

Our apartment is working out very well. There are two bedrooms and a spiral staircase that leads up to a small loft with a fireplace. The loft will be Joshua's office area.

We have a sweet neighbor downstairs named Shirley who lives with her dog, Max. I try to not get frustrated when I have to stand and have a ten minute conversation with her every time I go outside, because I know she is probably pretty lonely. She loves NASCAR and football, so she jumps on any chance she gets to talk to Joshua about these subjects. She brings us her newspaper every day when she is finished reading it and invited herself in to talk to us for an hour the other day. It's a little nerve-racking not knowing when she is going to pop in. No kidding, even as I was typing that last sentence, she knocked on our door. I went to the back room because I wasn't exactly ready for company, and by the time Joshua got to the door, she was gone, but the newspaper was there. She loves the boys, but always says that "Max loves the boys." It's kind of funny because just about everything she thinks, she instead says that Max thinks them. She talks about the other neighbors a lot, too. Apparently another elderly lady next door is one of her good friends. When Joshua met her, she already knew all about us and our boys and how much "Max loves them." Oh, Shirley. It's going to be tough drawing some boundaries without hurting her feelings or neglecting her when I should be reaching out to care for someone who doesn't get out much or get many visitors. I know she really loves to see Micah and Canaan.

Well, I should go get something done while the boys are napping. They have a nasty cold and are kind of high maintenance when they are awake lately. Please pray that they both feel better soon. They look so pitiful with their runny noses and sad little eyes.

More prayer, please!

So, Joshua and I went over our budget the other day. Basically, I NEED to get a job. The problem is that Joshua's schedule is going to be kind of unpredictable. Also, I kind of hate the idea of him coming home from work to watch the kids while I go work. I need quality time with the hubs or I get a little edgy.

So, I made a profile on www.care.com. For those of you who haven't seen their commercials, it's a place that pairs families with the right caregiver for their children (and even pets). This would be so great for us because a lot of people are willing to drop their children off at your house, and I could spend all day with my boys, as usual, but with one or two more playmates! I applied to 6 jobs in Louisville. So far, I haven't heard back from anyone. There is one family in particular that I would LOVE to work for, and I'm constantly checking to see if she has responded to or even read my application. It has only been two days, but I am so anxious. This could get us to not only where we can pay our bills, but to where we might have a little more than we need. I feel like this is the perfect job for me, but I know that God may have other plans. Please pray for patience, provision, acceptance of God's will, and maybe even a response from at least one of these jobs!

Just a little update...

Update on the babies? Well, they get cuter every day. I don't really know what else to tell you. Canaan is trying desperately to scoot or crawl, but for the most part, he just rolls around until he gets where he wants to go. I'm pretty sure I saw him scoot backward yesterday, though. He's already getting into stuff. I cannot imagine what it is going to be like once he actually starts crawling, and I don't even want to think about when he starts walking. Micah has been rolling for a long time, too, but mostly, he likes to sit in the middle of the floor and watch Canaan roll around. The last couple of days, though, he has become more interested in rolling around and checking out things he shouldn't-- like drawers and electrical cords.

Joshua is still crazy busy with school. He kind of had a break night yesterday-- he had a one hour meeting with some other students that he was planning a lesson with, but other than that, he didn't have a single assignment. That was very much needed, because the last two nights, he had been coming "home" between 1AM and 3AM. He is doing SO WELL with school. He is taking a total of three classes. One class lasts the entire 6 weeks, and the other two are 3-week classes. He got an A in his first 3-week class! His teachers love him and are constantly telling him how amazing he is. One of them even told him that he "teaches like a veteran." Yeah, I'm pretty proud of him.

We found an apartment. It has two bedrooms, one bathroom, and spiral staircase that leads up to a little loft above the dining room. There is a fireplace in the loft. It's nice that it is up there where the boys won't be able to get into it. The kitchen is a very nice size... it may be the biggest kitchen we've had yet. There is plenty of cabinet space and a dishwasher. We can get rid of our microwave now because there is one built into the cabinets. It was clean and the paint was fresh when we did a walk-through. There was a lot of light, and the ceiling in the living room is high because of the loft. We are so excited about it!

Joshua was supposed to get his school assignment the day we went looking for apartments so that we could look in the same neighborhood as the school, but unfortunately, they didn't have that information ready for him. It was the only day we could go up there together, so we had to just pick the best place for us without knowing how long a drive it would be for him to get to work. He found out a few days later that he is working at Pleasure Ridge Park High School, which is about 30 minutes from the apartment. Oh well! It's on the West side of the city, and it can be hard to find a safe neighborhood over there from what we have heard. Also, it is not guaranteed that the school he is working at this year will be the same school he works at next year. It could be that he is hired by the school that is three minutes from our apartment-- Fern Creek High School. BUT, from all the reviews I have read online, it looks like Pleasure Ridge Park, or PRP, is a great school. They seem to have a lot of school pride, and Joshua is really excited about working there.

Well, we've got two weeks left in Bowling Green. It hasn't been so bad living in the hotel. I mean, someone comes to clean my bathroom, vacuum the floors, and change the towels and sheets once a week! How could I complain? I am very, very excited about getting to Louisville for other reasons, though. I can't wait to find a church. I want to explore the parks. I want to make some mom friends. You know... basically get on with our lives. :)

Prayers Needed!

Okay, I was so excited about this day... but now I'm just stressed.

Joshua had to leave with his group at 6:15-- turns out that most of the day, he will be touring Jefferson County schools, and we only have the afternoon to look for a place. I'll be getting on the road around 10AM in order to meet him after his tour of the schools. I don't have a GPS on my phone, so I'm going to have to look up the directions, write them down, and hope that they are accurate... I'm really nervous about driving into a city I don't know with my baby boys in the back of the van, so please pray for me!


We were also given the advice yesterday not to live in West End. Apparently we will be killed in a drive-by or something like that if we do... and of course that is where all of the affordable housing is. I mean, if you are going to live with the violence, they have to give you some slack on the rent, right? Anyway, I had to start my search all over again last night, and we'll be looking at apartments instead of houses. Part of me is sad, and part of me is kind of happy that there is the possibility of living in a community with a pool. As long as my boys are safe, I don't really care where we live... but I was pretty excited about living in a house. :(

Please just pray that I make it there safely and that we find an affordable, safe place to live.

Abiding in Jesus

Oswald Chambers, oh, how you challenge me. I always walk away from My Utmost for His Highest thinking, "That was intense."

For example, two days ago, Chambers references John 15:4 and writes:

"God will not make me think like Jesus, I have to do it myself; I have to bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ...I have not to change and arrange my circumstances myself. With Our Lord the inner abiding was unsullied; He was at home with God wherever His body was placed. He never chose His own circumstances, but was meek towards His Father's dispensations for Him. Think of the amazing leisure of Our Lord's life! We keep God at excitement point, there is none of the serenity of the life hid with Christ in God about us...In the initial stages it is a continual effort until it becomes so much the law of life that you abide in Him unconsciously. Determine to abide in Jesus wherever you are placed."

Okay, I am going to be completely honest with you. I haven't been feeling very... spiritual lately. I don't know about other people's life experiences, but I feel like I may have been burned out on spirituality as a teenager. I was always in church, going on youth group retreats, memorizing scripture for Bible quizzing, etc. I felt, for the lack of a better phrase, "on fire for God." The last two years or so, I've been wondering why I never feel that way anymore. Well, not never. A good sermon, some moving music, and I've got the feeling back, but it's usually gone and forgotten by Monday morning. Why don't I abide in Jesus anymore? Why don't I crave scripture daily? One of the conclusions I have come to is that in middle and high school, I was alone. I never dated, and no one really counted on me for anything. I did my thing. I went to school, volleyball or basketball practice, work, church, whatever it was I had to do that night... and I did it by myself. Not only did this give me a lot of free time to think and pray, but I felt that longing for companionship with God. And, let's face it, when you are a teenager, you feel everything passionately.

These days, I have enough companionship to make me feel like I am never alone. Don't get me wrong, this is a tremendous blessing to me. Ever since I was little, all I've ever really wanted out of life was a family of my own, and lucky me got a husband and twin boys by the time I turned twenty-two. Not a lot of people can say they have achieved their dreams by that age.

Even with all of this companionship, though, there's something missing if I'm not constantly abiding in Jesus. Unlike my husband and children, He can see the deepest, darkest parts of my soul-- and He still loves me! He is my Maker, and without constant communion with him, I am quite empty.

So today, I was challenged to abide in Jesus. This doesn't mean I need to make some sort of radical change in my circumstances, like Chambers says. I can abide in Jesus while feeding my baby boys, while making coffee for Joshua, while straightening up the room after the boys go to bed... I can be at home with God wherever I am.

So, I'm starting day one of practicing His presence...

Running

I was finally able to get back down to the treadmill in the gym at the hotel today. I ran longer than I did last week, which was encouraging. I feel like I can even see a slight difference in the mirror, but that could just be all in my head because I feel so much better now that I am eating well. It's amazing how even the process of losing weight can give you a little more confidence. There's some sort of satisfaction in just knowing you are doing something to make your life a little better.

I hate running on a treadmill. The little lights that blink until you've gone one imaginary lap around an imaginary track, how there's really nothing to look at except the mirror (which is really no fun to look in at all) or the treadmill screen (which just makes you want to quit). Today while running, I recalled a cool summer night, about two years ago now (Has it been that long?), when Joshua and I and some friends of ours, Zach and Michelle, were training for a half marathon. We ran four miles straight for the first time that night. I had mapped a beautiful run around the neighborhood online.

Larchmont was such an amazing neighborhood for running. Most of it was completely flat (like most of Tidewater), and the streets were lined with blooming crape myrtles and old, but well-cared for homes. I used to run around those streets and house shop. There were so many to choose from, and every one of them different from the one beside it. The most difficult part of the run was when we would run over the Hampton bridge, all the way to Terminal Boulevard, and then back over the bridge and all the way home. The Hampton bridge was the only hill, but it was long, and when you are used to running on flat ground, it seemed pretty steep. When we finished the run, though, it was such an amazing feeling. It was starting to get dark and there was a nice, cool breeze. We were with great friends and everything around us just seemed... beautiful.

Running on a treadmill just seems like a means to an end. Running outside is like an adventure. It's a conversation with a good friend and a time to dream and pray and praise God for the beautiful creation all around you. I can't wait to experience that again. Louisville will be a great place for it, too. There are so many beautiful parks and neighborhoods. For now, I'll settle for the treadmill.

Stir-crazy

I think I'm going a little stir-crazy. Thankfully, it is almost the weekend. When Joshua gets home tonight, I'm going to try to get out for a little while. Maybe we will both go out and take the boys to walk around somewhere... we'll see.

Last night, Joshua came home and told me he actually had very little to do. The teachers told them that they realized they were giving them too much to do and decided to spread out their assignments a little bit. Also, they are teaching fifth graders today, so they don't have any class time of their own. He had a two hour meeting last night to finish up their lesson plan, but that was it. I guess I could have gotten out of the room then, but what I wanted even more was just to spend some time with my husband. He was exhausted, too, and I just didn't want to leave him alone with the boys the first time he got a little break.

I think he is excited about his lesson plan today. He is teaching fifth graders about the physics of sound- vibrations, volume, and pitch. He is playing his electric guitar for them today, and that is the part he is excited about.

The babies are doing well. They are to the point where they would much rather be playing on the floor than in their exersaucers, which is nice now that they can sit up. They smile and laugh and are all-around very pleasant. They make all of this totally worth it.

Well, that's about all I have. :) I'll try to keep you updated, but there really isn't a WHOLE lot going on.

Six weeks of this should be interesting...

Joshua got home yesterday around 4:30 PM. He stopped in to grab some of his things and then went right back downstairs to the hotel conference room to work on all of his homework. He had to do a long reading assignment, write a 3-4 page paper, compose a blog post, and prepare a lesson plan for today. Yes, on the third day of class, he is teaching. The poor guy got home last night at 2 AM. This morning, he got up at 5:30 AM to finish his reading before his class at 8:30. I mostly feel bad for HIM because I know he doesn't even get time to sit and breathe and he really misses his boys (and probably me a little bit, too). We really are both just feeling thankful that he has a job.

After the boys' first nap, we played on the floor for a little while. These pictures are blurry because they were taken with my phone. I have, once again, misplaced my camera charger. Ugh.

My sweet boys. Micah on the left, Canaan on the right.

Mr. Micah loves the camera/phone now. It's so funny.

Mr. Canaan kissing the mirror... what a weirdo.

An update on the Marshes

Every day, my boys get cuter. I don't know how they do it, but just when I think I'm at my "in love" limit, I fall deeper in love with them the next day. They are sitting up now for very long periods of time. They play together and often I turn around to find them laughing at each other. I think these might be some of the sweetest moments in my life.

Joshua is gone quite a lot-- his classes are from 8:30 AM to 3:30 PM, then he has lots of reading to do, papers to write, discussion groups to go to, and blog posts at night. Yesterday he came home to read (normally he goes to Starbucks to read, but he missed his babies) and have some dinner, but then was gone again until 11:30 PM, long after I had gone to bed. I miss him a lot, but I'm so proud of how diligent and thorough he is with his school work.

I'm trying to not wish these days away. Part of me wants to get out of this tiny little hotel room and into an apartment or house of our own in Louisville. I want to start getting to know my new city. I want to find a church. I want to find a weekend job at a coffee shop to make some extra money to buy a new stroller and car seats for my boys (and maybe something extra for me later, like a nice camera or an ipad2 :) ).

BUT, I know these moments while my boys are small and NOT running around like crazy are a gift and I cannot wish them away. They are at a stage where I can have them sit up on the floor with some toys and play together, and I can watch them smile and make noises at each other, but I don't have to chase them around the house and keep them out of cabinets and off the stairs. My friend who has twins recently lost 20 lbs because her boys have been walking for two months now! On second thought, maybe I DO want them to start walking. ;)

I can also be thankful that while we are in this hotel room, they are not walking. That would be disastrous!

Well, I believe my boys are waking up. We are about to venture out of the hotel for the first time in two days so that we can pick up some diapers and formula. The elevator has been out of order, so I haven't been able to get out. I can't really carry two 20 lb babies in their carseats down three flights of stairs... and then trying to get groceries and such back into the hotel room without the stroller would just be impossible.

So anyway, I am going to enjoy these six weeks in the hotel with my boys and simply remember that I have a lot to look forward to in Louisville. Please pray that I don't go crazy. :)