Every day, my boys get cuter. I don't know how they do it, but just when I think I'm at my "in love" limit, I fall deeper in love with them the next day. They are sitting up now for very long periods of time. They play together and often I turn around to find them laughing at each other. I think these might be some of the sweetest moments in my life.
Joshua is gone quite a lot-- his classes are from 8:30 AM to 3:30 PM, then he has lots of reading to do, papers to write, discussion groups to go to, and blog posts at night. Yesterday he came home to read (normally he goes to Starbucks to read, but he missed his babies) and have some dinner, but then was gone again until 11:30 PM, long after I had gone to bed. I miss him a lot, but I'm so proud of how diligent and thorough he is with his school work.
I'm trying to not wish these days away. Part of me wants to get out of this tiny little hotel room and into an apartment or house of our own in Louisville. I want to start getting to know my new city. I want to find a church. I want to find a weekend job at a coffee shop to make some extra money to buy a new stroller and car seats for my boys (and maybe something extra for me later, like a nice camera or an ipad2 :) ).
BUT, I know these moments while my boys are small and NOT running around like crazy are a gift and I cannot wish them away. They are at a stage where I can have them sit up on the floor with some toys and play together, and I can watch them smile and make noises at each other, but I don't have to chase them around the house and keep them out of cabinets and off the stairs. My friend who has twins recently lost 20 lbs because her boys have been walking for two months now! On second thought, maybe I DO want them to start walking. ;)
I can also be thankful that while we are in this hotel room, they are not walking. That would be disastrous!
Well, I believe my boys are waking up. We are about to venture out of the hotel for the first time in two days so that we can pick up some diapers and formula. The elevator has been out of order, so I haven't been able to get out. I can't really carry two 20 lb babies in their carseats down three flights of stairs... and then trying to get groceries and such back into the hotel room without the stroller would just be impossible.
So anyway, I am going to enjoy these six weeks in the hotel with my boys and simply remember that I have a lot to look forward to in Louisville. Please pray that I don't go crazy. :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Thoughts on Osama bin Laden
I felt rather torn last night and this morning. When I saw the line reading, "OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD" run across the screen last night, I wasn't sure what to feel.
Sure, this is a great victory for America. For ten years, we've been hunting a criminal, a murderer, a terrorist. Part of me wanted to be running in the streets of D.C., chanting "USA! USA!" But another part of me could not possibly rejoice at the death of a human being, one created in the image of God, just like me, who had died without knowing the love of Christ. After all, without the blood of Christ, I deserve the same fate as Osama bin Laden.
I've been looking into the scripture today to see what a Christ-follower's reaction to this should be. Here are some verses that come to mind:
"You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Psalm 10:17-18
"The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates. On the wicked he will rain fiery coals and burning sulfur; a scorching wind will be their lot. For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face." Psalm 11:5-6
The thing is, I do see David praising God for being just and protecting His people, but I don't think he is necessarily rejoicing at the death of the wicked. I think the Lord has protected the fatherless and the oppressed, those who lost loved ones on 9/11. I think he has brought justice to Osama bin Laden.
However, I do not think that God was pleased with the death of Osama bin Laden, and I don't think I can run in the streets and rejoice, either. Here's why:
"For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!" Ezekiel 18:32
"Say to them, 'As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live..." Ezekiel 33:11
"Do not gloat when your enemy fails; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them." Proverbs 24:17-18
As an American, I am thankful for the men and women in our military. I am thankful that God has brought justice for those who are now fatherless, motherless, widowed, or outlived their children. I am thankful that God kept our Navy SEALS safe during their mission. I believe that the death of Osama bin Laden was necessary for the protection of the American people.
But as a believer, I cannot rejoice in his death.
Sure, this is a great victory for America. For ten years, we've been hunting a criminal, a murderer, a terrorist. Part of me wanted to be running in the streets of D.C., chanting "USA! USA!" But another part of me could not possibly rejoice at the death of a human being, one created in the image of God, just like me, who had died without knowing the love of Christ. After all, without the blood of Christ, I deserve the same fate as Osama bin Laden.
I've been looking into the scripture today to see what a Christ-follower's reaction to this should be. Here are some verses that come to mind:
"You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more." Psalm 10:17-18
"The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates. On the wicked he will rain fiery coals and burning sulfur; a scorching wind will be their lot. For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; upright men will see his face." Psalm 11:5-6
The thing is, I do see David praising God for being just and protecting His people, but I don't think he is necessarily rejoicing at the death of the wicked. I think the Lord has protected the fatherless and the oppressed, those who lost loved ones on 9/11. I think he has brought justice to Osama bin Laden.
However, I do not think that God was pleased with the death of Osama bin Laden, and I don't think I can run in the streets and rejoice, either. Here's why:
"For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!" Ezekiel 18:32
"Say to them, 'As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live..." Ezekiel 33:11
"Do not gloat when your enemy fails; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them." Proverbs 24:17-18
As an American, I am thankful for the men and women in our military. I am thankful that God has brought justice for those who are now fatherless, motherless, widowed, or outlived their children. I am thankful that God kept our Navy SEALS safe during their mission. I believe that the death of Osama bin Laden was necessary for the protection of the American people.
But as a believer, I cannot rejoice in his death.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Black Bean Brownies
That's right, black bean brownies. I've been wanting to try this for a while. I read on a weight watchers recipe site that you can combine a boxed brownie mix with one can of pureed black beans to make delicious, low fat brownies. I never tried it because Joshua was horrified at the thought.
Yesterday, I was at home, craving some brownies. I was out of eggs, but I had some black beans. I also didn't have a brownie mix, though, so I developed my own recipe after pulling from several different recipes I found online. Here it is:
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (this is all I had, so I was scared, but they are so yummy!)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
2 1/4 cups sugar
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 (15oz) can black beans, drained and then filled with new water
1 tsp vanilla (I actually probably put in a tbsp-- I always add more vanilla!)
1 cup of water
chocolate chips to sprinkle on top (optional)
1. Preheat oven to 350 F
2. Combine dry ingredients.
3. Rinse black beans until water runs clear. Add beans back to can and then fill the can with new water. Puree black beans in blender.
4. Mix pureed black beans, water, and vanilla.
5. Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and stir until well combined.
6. Bake in 9x13" baking dish (I did mine in an 8x8"; they were too thick and took forever to bake!) in preheated oven for 25-30 minutes. Edges should be slightly puffy and starting to pull away from sides and the middle should be firm. Let cool before cutting. Enjoy!
Nap Time Ponderings
I have so many thoughts running through my head today-- so many goals I am setting for myself. At nap time, I poured myself a cup of coffee and went to pick a book off the shelf. There were four that I had to choose from that I desperately want to read right now, but at the most, I have two hours to read. I couldn't choose between The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery, Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge, Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt, or Running into Water by Angela Blycker. Basically, do I want read to be indulgent, work on my marriage, learn about teaching my children to love to read, or about being a mother who pursues God with all her passion and strength.
First, I chose to be indulgent. I read the first chapter of The Blue Castle, and as reading L.M. Montgomery always does, it made me want to write again. So now, I have the choice to read or write. Instead of moving on to any of these other books, I decided to pull out my Bible and journal.
I read Ephesians 4 and 5, which is not a good idea when you have already given yourself the task of reading four books at once. There are so many things in those two chapters to chew on-- so much that makes you say, "Yes, I need to do that." For example, "Be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love." Or, "Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
Good grief. Now, I want to read, I want to write, I want to study God's Word, I want to pray, I want to be kind and gentle, I want to get into shape, I want to get my entire house to be clean at one time and keep it that way, I want to be freaking super mom and the best wife a man could ask for. Dear Lord, how do I become this woman before the clock strikes 12PM and my boys start to call for me from their cribs?
Thankfully, I'm not required to become this woman during nap time. I can rest in God's grace and ask for the strength to tackle these goals one at a time and the wisdom to know in what order they should be accomplished. The beauty of being a mom is that one nap time at a time, I can read a little, I can get a little cleaning done here and there, and I can pray that as my little boys grow and get to know me, they will see a woman who is working to become the person that our Heavenly Father has called her to be.
As I sit on the couch in my living room, light is pouring in through the blinds and spilling itself in long lines across the carpet. I am reminded of some verses I read today in Ephesians about light exposing our deeds. My first goal for the day is to live in the light. Let me be exposed for what I am, and may I be transparent in front of my children. I am a broken, hurting soul in need of repair by my Savior. As each day passes, I pray that He heals me piece by piece and that my sons witness my transformation over the next eighteen years. I want them to see the work that Jesus will do in me. For every book I read, for every page I write, for every floor I scrub, for every moment I pray for Him to change the tune in my heart, I will be one step closer to living a life worthy of the calling I have received.
First, I chose to be indulgent. I read the first chapter of The Blue Castle, and as reading L.M. Montgomery always does, it made me want to write again. So now, I have the choice to read or write. Instead of moving on to any of these other books, I decided to pull out my Bible and journal.
I read Ephesians 4 and 5, which is not a good idea when you have already given yourself the task of reading four books at once. There are so many things in those two chapters to chew on-- so much that makes you say, "Yes, I need to do that." For example, "Be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love." Or, "Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
Good grief. Now, I want to read, I want to write, I want to study God's Word, I want to pray, I want to be kind and gentle, I want to get into shape, I want to get my entire house to be clean at one time and keep it that way, I want to be freaking super mom and the best wife a man could ask for. Dear Lord, how do I become this woman before the clock strikes 12PM and my boys start to call for me from their cribs?
Thankfully, I'm not required to become this woman during nap time. I can rest in God's grace and ask for the strength to tackle these goals one at a time and the wisdom to know in what order they should be accomplished. The beauty of being a mom is that one nap time at a time, I can read a little, I can get a little cleaning done here and there, and I can pray that as my little boys grow and get to know me, they will see a woman who is working to become the person that our Heavenly Father has called her to be.
As I sit on the couch in my living room, light is pouring in through the blinds and spilling itself in long lines across the carpet. I am reminded of some verses I read today in Ephesians about light exposing our deeds. My first goal for the day is to live in the light. Let me be exposed for what I am, and may I be transparent in front of my children. I am a broken, hurting soul in need of repair by my Savior. As each day passes, I pray that He heals me piece by piece and that my sons witness my transformation over the next eighteen years. I want them to see the work that Jesus will do in me. For every book I read, for every page I write, for every floor I scrub, for every moment I pray for Him to change the tune in my heart, I will be one step closer to living a life worthy of the calling I have received.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Well, the babies are asleep in the middle of the day and I am not holding either of them! This is a small, but significant miracle. I've already had enough time during this nap to start a load of dishes and a load of laundry, pick up all the trash that accumulated during packing last night, and now I have some extra time to write a blog post! Let's just hope the babies sleep long enough for me to finish it.
The last few days, I've been getting a lot more sleep at night and, therefore, have been able to enjoy my babies a lot more during the day. Yesterday, I looked at them and realized just how amazing babies are. Just a few months ago, they didn't exist. Then, they were tiny little shrimp looking things that didn't even resemble humans. Over only nine months, those little shrimpy things grew into full grown babies, with skin and muscle and bones and arms and legs and fingers and toes and eyes and noses and ears. And all of this happened inside my body. Honestly, I just can't get over it.
Well, Micah is awake, so I guess a "life update" will have to wait for tomorrow, but for today, I'm just marveling at the brilliance of the way God created us.
The last few days, I've been getting a lot more sleep at night and, therefore, have been able to enjoy my babies a lot more during the day. Yesterday, I looked at them and realized just how amazing babies are. Just a few months ago, they didn't exist. Then, they were tiny little shrimp looking things that didn't even resemble humans. Over only nine months, those little shrimpy things grew into full grown babies, with skin and muscle and bones and arms and legs and fingers and toes and eyes and noses and ears. And all of this happened inside my body. Honestly, I just can't get over it.
Well, Micah is awake, so I guess a "life update" will have to wait for tomorrow, but for today, I'm just marveling at the brilliance of the way God created us.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
How can I fear?
Last night, I was sitting on the couch listening to Joshua explain to a close friend all that he has to accomplish before January so that he can finish his masters and get a job. If he doesn't get a job and his masters is not finished, that means having to take out a loan for next semester just to live off of. When I heard him explaining that a third of what he has left to do would theoretically take him two months normally, I started to panic inside.
So, this morning, I started to stress when he wasn't out of the house at the time he had planned. Of course, it's hard to get up when your sleep is interrupted every two hours by hungry babies that need feeding and diapering. I don't blame him for wanting to sleep an extra hour, but at the time, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I let him know how stressed I was that he might not finish on time. Not exactly the uplifting, supportive thing you want to hear when you are waking up in the morning. That just made him more stressed and less confident, and basically made me feel like a jerk (which I can be, let's face it). We talked about it before he left, and I felt much better and I hope he did, too.
I was still scared, though. I went back upstairs to feed Canaan, and as I laid him down in the crib, Micah started stirring around. Hoping he would sleep a little longer, I started singing him a song to calm him down. He responds to that pretty well so far. I normally sing a lullaby I learned when I was small, but instead I started singing another song that has calmed me since I was a child. My two older sisters sang it at my dedication and my oldest sister, Amy, used to sing it to my little brother and I when we were going to sleep at night. Sometimes, when I'm in a scary situation-- like driving down 64 when there's flash flooding going on-- I sing this song to myself and it calms me down. Weird, I know. The first verse is more about being afraid in situations like that, but the second verse is more about uncertainty and stress. As I sang the words to Micah this morning, I found myself tearing up, my voice getting all wobbly and high pitched, but his little legs stopped kicking and I saw a smile pull at the corners of his tiny lips. I was rubbing his belly and singing a soft song, but I felt like Jesus was rubbing my back and telling me everything was going to be fine.
When I'm alone
And I face the unknown
And I fear what the future may be
I can depend
On the strength of my Friend
He walks along with me
How can I fear?
Jesus is near
He ever watches over me
Worries all cease
He gives me peace
How can I fear with Jesus?
So, this morning, I started to stress when he wasn't out of the house at the time he had planned. Of course, it's hard to get up when your sleep is interrupted every two hours by hungry babies that need feeding and diapering. I don't blame him for wanting to sleep an extra hour, but at the time, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I let him know how stressed I was that he might not finish on time. Not exactly the uplifting, supportive thing you want to hear when you are waking up in the morning. That just made him more stressed and less confident, and basically made me feel like a jerk (which I can be, let's face it). We talked about it before he left, and I felt much better and I hope he did, too.
I was still scared, though. I went back upstairs to feed Canaan, and as I laid him down in the crib, Micah started stirring around. Hoping he would sleep a little longer, I started singing him a song to calm him down. He responds to that pretty well so far. I normally sing a lullaby I learned when I was small, but instead I started singing another song that has calmed me since I was a child. My two older sisters sang it at my dedication and my oldest sister, Amy, used to sing it to my little brother and I when we were going to sleep at night. Sometimes, when I'm in a scary situation-- like driving down 64 when there's flash flooding going on-- I sing this song to myself and it calms me down. Weird, I know. The first verse is more about being afraid in situations like that, but the second verse is more about uncertainty and stress. As I sang the words to Micah this morning, I found myself tearing up, my voice getting all wobbly and high pitched, but his little legs stopped kicking and I saw a smile pull at the corners of his tiny lips. I was rubbing his belly and singing a soft song, but I felt like Jesus was rubbing my back and telling me everything was going to be fine.
When I'm alone
And I face the unknown
And I fear what the future may be
I can depend
On the strength of my Friend
He walks along with me
How can I fear?
Jesus is near
He ever watches over me
Worries all cease
He gives me peace
How can I fear with Jesus?
Friday, November 5, 2010
Week One- Check
My babies are now just a few hours short of being a week old, but I feel like they have been mine forever. Everyone has always told me about the love you begin to experience when you become a parent, but nothing anyone has ever told me can even begin to scratch the surface of the real thing. I don't think there is a way to put it into words.
My mom has been here all week, making everything so much easier. I haven't prepared one meal for myself, done one load of laundry (and she gets about three loads done a day), or cleaned one dirty dish. The other day, I said I was craving something sweet, and she went into the kitchen and found everything she needed to bake fresh cinnamon raison scones-- WITH ICING. Less than an hour later, I was eating the most delicious scone I've ever tasted and thinking, "Does she really have to leave? Ever?" It has been so wonderful having her, and honestly, I am a little nervous about her leaving. She has made it possible for me to focus completely on the boys and getting my body back into semi-normal condition. This morning we have been talking about what I need to do to keep track of all the things she has been doing for me once she leaves, and that has been a big help. I'm not quite as nervous as I was before we talked that out.
The boys don't really worry me. So far, they have been amazing babies. I'm more concerned about forgetting to do laundry and running out of receiving blankets or sleepers... or the dishes piling up or not planning meals ahead of time and ending up just getting fast food all the time. These home cooked meals this week have been amazing. I know I will get into a routine, though, and I have two more days to practice before she leaves.
Well, it has been a wonderful first week-- and now that the babies are here, I think I will have much more to write about, so hopefully this will be the first of many entries keeping you all informed about our life with the boys. Thank you for all the love and prayers! We have felt the effects of them this week for sure!
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